January 26th 2010

Well 2010 started and we were so excited for the BIG news! Yes Pregnant.

We were very excited when we found out (New Years Eve) that we were going to have a baby!

As exciting as it was our first doctors appointment was January 25th, and were kind of nervous to go and hear the baby's heart beat.

January 25th came, no heart beat. We were very nervous and scared about what was going to happen. The doctor sent us to go to get an ultra sound the next morning to see the baby and make sure everything was okay.

Tuesday morning we woke up and headed off to the doctors again. The nurse didn't say anything to us except "are you sure about the time of your last menstrual cycle?" and left the room. When she returned she told us we needed to go over and talk to our doctor. We walked across the parking lot, waited in the room for the doctor. The doctor walked in and immediately told us that we had a fetal demise, which means miscarriage. I immediately broke into tears. Our little baby didn't have any cardiac movement. Unfortunately the baby didn't make it.

To make matters worse, I miscarried about the same time I found out I was pregnant. Therefore, I have been carrying the baby for four more weeks than I should have. Now I need to have surgery. They told me that I could have waited a little more to see if I would pass this myself, but I didn't want to. I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. Wednesday morning I was in the hospital for my first surgery.

It is not easy hearing those words. But I know with all my heart that I will meet my baby sometime! Jake and I still love our baby so much and we will have children someday. As sad as it is for me to know that I am not pregnant anymore, I will be when the time is right. I am definitely excited for when the time comes.

I am still having some extreme pain, and so I have to have some more tests (maybe) to make sure that I don't have another pregnancy (an eptopic pregnancy). If that is the case, I will have to go back into surgery. The doctors seemed very hopeful and not concerned that this was the case (because it is VERY rare). So I am just keeping my head up and I am not going to worry about it. One day at a time.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and thoughts. We truly appreciate it. I have been emotionally doing better than expected, I think it is because of my knowledge of life after death, and all the loving family and friends that I have. Life is precious, don't take it for granted. Enjoy every moment and every little thing that you have.

Oh, and HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DANIELLE (January 26th!) Love you!

Also, HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY RACHEL! (January 31st!)